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It made me upset
When my girlfriend would dress up, contacts in, boobs out, make up on, spray herself down with the same type of perfume strippers use. I wasn’t against her getting dressed up, just wished I was the occasion. When it was just her and I, pony tail, glasses, cargo shorts, sports bra, and a t shirt. Like I didn’t want to eat her with my eyes. Like the only reason to get dressed was for other guys. It didn’t help that she asked me if it was cool, if she flashed her boobs for beads.  I’m too insecure for a girlfriend that comfortable. Too greedy and jealous for a girl so free and giving. I wanted all of her smiles, sexy looks, and attention.

From the outside, the way I see it, women don’t dress up when they’re comfortable around that person. No need for make up or to be sexed up. They’ll wear that bed head like a crown but feel a need to put up a fence in public. Cover their insecurities with maybaline and dress showing off what body parts leave no room for thoughts of doubt about themselves.

Knowing I want to get to the bottom of someone close to me, knowing I want them completely naked, nothing in between us. No reason to feel she can’t tell me something, anything. No reason to feel the need to cover up when I I accept a woman I love as natural as she is… BUT… I crave this image of perfect skin, blood red lips, breast too big for that bra size. High heels and knee high stockings.

What I want for a woman, doesn’t line up with what I want from her. All of my relationships have been with myself. A couple constantly fighting with a woman in the middle of it all.

My honest thoughts are:
A woman dresses up more
For public than the one close to her
A man wants that attention
To be the one she’s trying to impress
But forsaking the underlying meaning of it
Disregarding the comfort she feels to not have to wear that armor on her face
Or expose a little breast plate
To want her to feel the same way about you
As she does for the people
She doesn’t know

On the flip side
I think its more of a competition
A woman also wanting the attention of her man
When other females are out
Defending what is hers
But it’s hard to see someone else’s insecurities
When you’re shutting your eyes
Hoping no one can see yours hiding inside

I still have these battles today. Not so much with JUST things like this, but a whole laundry list I should come clean with and wash off my sleeve. Word on the street is admitting it is the first step. I’m Concrete columnist Epic Dawn, and most of the time I just want what I don’t have.